Misery aka Sleep Study

You know how on TV they make sleep studies look fun and interesting?  The person is hooked up to a few electrodes...a two-way mirror is on the wall across from the bed... It's kind of "cool" looking.  I am here to tell you that it is hell.  They lie to you.  They make you think it's going to be an awesome experience, but it SUCKS!!!

Let's start with the room-

Not too shabby.  It looked sort of like a hotel room.  It had a Queen sized bed w/ a Sleep Number mattress.  I had a flat screen tv (w/ access to DirectTV).  There was a nightstand and lamp. Nothing over the top, but it was okay.  They watched me through a camera that was placed above the television.  There was also a speaker in the wall which allowed them to talk to me and me to them.  

The prep-

I have to admit that this sleep lab had a nice little perk..... a complimentary massage.  At first I was hesitant, but how often do you get a freaking massage?  Me?  Once every five years or so.  So that was a nice touch.

Once the massage was over I went back to my room.  There my "team" tested breathing apparatuses on me.  I told them that I wasn't there for any sort of sleep apnea, but they insisted that it was standard.  I was told that a lot of people didn't even realize that they stopped breathing.  Well, I let them to their job, but I KNOW I'm all good in the breathing department.  I wasn't a fan of the apparatuses.  I didn't like how they forced air and I certainly wasn't a fan of how I looked.  

The process-

First they measured my head and used some sort of red marker to mark my scalp.  Then they took a cotton swab (with what I assume was rubbing alcohol) and would scrub the marked place on my scalp (Uncomfortable, but not unbearable).  After which they used gauze to scrub the spot (Now THAT hurt- it felt like sandpaper). Once my scalp was "oil" free..... they used globs of this nasty gel/lotion/vaseline stuff to attach the electrodes (OUCH).  I had, I believe, 6 on my scalp, 1/forehead, 1/jaw, 1/chin, 2/chest and 2 on each leg.  I also had one of those finger pulse things.  Oh, and a strap around my upper chest and one on my rib cage (w/ electrodes connected to them).  And when I finally thought they could torture me no more..... they pulled out a tube.  It had little tube prongs that went up my nose and this strange thing that hung down in front of my mouth.  Let me tell you that I have NEVER been so uncomfortable.  NEVER!  

                How you think you'll look                                            

How you really look

Time to sleep....or is it-

Let me say that I have no idea how anyone does anything while hooked up.  I brought a book and always had the tv available, but I was so miserable I just wanted to get it over with.  Lights out!  A voice over the speaker, "Ms. Neal, one of the electrodes isn't picking up a reading.  We'll be right in to try to fix it." Well great.  The lady comes in and wiggles the damn thing.  The voice says, "Still nothing."  She "rips" it off my head and tries to reattach it.  We wait in silence.  "Nope.  Why don't we use a different electrode?"  So she leaves the room and returns to replace the faulty thing.  PROBLEM.  That electrode is bundled with all of the others.  Oh well.... she just leaves it hanging, but still bundled.  "Got it!  Now Ms. Neal, we are going to start your calibrations."  Mmmmm-k.  I basically did a series of "tasks" while they studied what came across their monitors.  My "tasks" included things like blinking 5 times and holding my breath with my eyes closed.  I just wanted to go to sleep.  

Zzzzzzzzzz-

I played on my cell for a bit, but was able to fall asleep after awhile.  I'm not sure how long I had been out when the door opened.  "Ms. Neal.  We're having problems with that same electrode."  Okay, how is anyone supposed to even pretend like this is a normal sleeping arrangement???  She got it taken care of and back to sleep I went.  I was FREEZING!  I guess I could have asked for another blanket, but I just wanted to be done with it all.  I woke up 3 times during the night and checked the time.  Around 5AM I woke up and sat up. "Ms. Neal.  Are you ready to get up?"  HELL YES!!!  Okay, I didn't say that, but I wanted the heck out of there.  (I should mention that I usually don't get up until 7-ish)  A few minutes went by and she came in to get everything unhooked.  She then had to take a step out of the room because it was too cold for her.  I said, "You think its cold....try sleeping in it!"  Here comes the blanket statement.  I walked right into that one.  I could have had ten blankets and I think it still would have been cold.  I like to sleep with it cold, but not THAT cold.  Anyway, electrodes come off and I am offered breakfast.  As much as I like the idea of free food....I wanted to go home.  You better believe that I left that place in my pajamas and drove straight home to shower.  The goop in my hair was more than I could handle.  For a brief moment I contemplated dreads.... not really.    

So that was it.  My experience with a sleep study.  I'm patiently waiting for the results and will post them as soon as I know anything.  My biggest fear is that nothing read abnormal.  I'll admit that I didn't have that intense of a dream, but I did dream....so that's something.  Worst case scenario.... I have to do it all over again.  At least I'll know what I'm in for.